And so should you!
Every 1 January, people are starting to change their life. They’ve set their New Year’s Resolution: Lose weight, do more sports, stop smoking, spend more time with friends and family, work less… If you’re like me, you’ve probably set some for yourself at some stage. This year, there are no New Year’s Resolutions. Except the elimination diet! And it’s not the one you’re thinking off!
Last year saw a lot of change. In my loved one’s lives, my client’s lives and in my own life. Everyone means well when they’re advising their friends and loved ones. Everyone has an opinion and it’s their opinion. Everyone wants to share their experiences with you and apply it to your own situation.
None of us are walking in the shoes of others. It’s hard to understand, no matter how often you’ve been through it, how a breakup feels. 2016 saw a number of my friends go through difficult times with their partner or even split from them. “There are plenty of fish in the sea!” This may not be the approach they want to pursue. They may want to grieve instead. Maybe they’re the ones who are now free to follow their dreams: Open up that business, move to another city, take up a new hobby.
How often have friends given you unsolicited advice? How you should raise your child? How you should talk to that annoying colleague? How you could spice up your relationship?
I’m realising more and more that we’re not walking in the shoes of others. We don’t know what is working for them or what they even want. It may be the traditional way or something rather unconventional. We offer our views to them, sometimes we’re even irritated if they don’t listen or follow our unwanted advice.
In 2017, I’d like to be more mindful when voicing my opinions. In coaching, it’s common practice to ask the client whether they wish to receive any feedback. Coaching is non-judgmental and feedback from a coach is generally not given. It’s all about the client. And it’s then up to them to allow and listen to the perception and feedback of the coach. It’s also up to the client whether they’ll do anything with that feedback.
Yet, when it comes to our loved ones, friends or colleagues, we offer our opinions, suggestions, tips, feedback and so on without asking.
I’ve recently been in such a situation where a friend not only provided unsolicited advice but, worse, it also came across as criticism. I’m grateful that they’re so interested in my life. However, it’s my life and I’m living it. Not my friend.
This situation made me realise even more how we need to live our lives, not the life someone else would like and how often we really offer our advice without ever being asked for it! So in 2017, I’d like to be more conscious about the moments when I do offer my view. That’s my elimination diet! Maybe reducing sugar can be added to this elimination diet, too.
What would you put on your elimination diet for 2017? Less worrying? Feeling less guilty when saying no to others and yes to yourself? Caring less about what other’s think of you? Will you join me in eliminating unsolicited advice?
Until next time,
Agni