Time to say good-bye to your friendship

When you’ve first moved to Dubai, were you lucky enough to know some people already? Or even better, to have some friends living here?

In my previous company, I supported the Middle East offices from the UK and experienced our relocated employees’ quest for new friends from afar. In such a transient city like Dubai, it’s easy to meet people but finding friends?

When I resigned from my company and moved to Dubai, I had one friend waiting for me and only knew 2 more people. It was one of many moves I’ve done internationally and across continents, so I wasn’t afraid of starting (somewhat) new again.

Looking over the last few years, I’ve seen some of my friends leave Dubai which was rather saddening. There were also some friendships to which I said good-bye – deliberately. For me, a friendship is a give and take and not a one-sided relationship. There was one particularly friendship where my friend only allowed meetings to take place when, where and how they suited her. Seeing her became stressful for me. I no longer looked forward to catching up and our conversations became superficial at best. It was time to end our friendship.

Some say it’s easier to leave a job, then to leave a friendship. But when do you know it’s time to say good-bye?

  • What does the friendship mean to you?
  • Do you still enjoy meeting up? A meeting that is stressful before it has even started is no fun.
  • Good_bye_friendsDo your conversations and actions still carry meaning? Forced interaction or unnecessary conversations can be a sign to let go.
  • Do you share more past memories than present ones? 2 friends will share fun memories, yet, also aim to create more in the future.
  • Do you still trust your friend? Being betrayed by your friend can be hurtful and may prevent you from trusting them again.
  • Do they hurt you (verbally, emotionally or physically)? Friends don’t set the other one up, put them down or judge them.
  • Do you still share the same values and beliefs?  Over time, your views may change and as long as you can agree to disagree, this is fine.
  • Do they hold you back? Friends should encourage each other, help them go forward and develop themselves further.

If you and your friend pursue different paths or they don’t bring joy to your life (besides a difficult period where they’ll need support), how do you say good-bye?

Do you bring up the topic about how you feel with your friend? This approach may not suit everyone as it’s the most direct approach. Ending a friendship doesn’t mean that the other person may have done something wrong. It can be that you’ve simply grown apart. Talking about it may be perceived as confrontational and may be uncomfortable for you and/or the other person. You may learn that your friend has felt the same way, just didn’t dare to bring up the topic. If your friend wants to maintain the friendship, are you willing to give it another go?

Do you let it simply die? You may send your friend the occasional message and answer theirs. You’ll notice that the messages and meetings are becoming less frequent and eventually, there are no more. For some people, this is the nicest approach as it’s not as forthcoming and may be less hurtful.

Do you go MIA? Avoidance is passive and for some people the easiest way out. For sure, it’s less antagonistic than bringing up the topic of the future of your friendship. You simply ignore your friend’s attempts of contacting you. This may be a bit more challenging if the two of you frequent the same places or share the same circle of friends.

Ending a friendship may be a hard thing for you to do. You can cherish the memories you and your friend shared. Yet, if it’s no longer working out for you, you’re making space for a new friendship which will enrich your live, bring you joy and drive you forward. In a transient city like Dubai, you may experience this more often and faster than in other parts of the world.

Have you ever said good-bye to a friendship? What tips do you have to add to the ones above? Looking forward to reading your comments.

Until next time,
Agni

 

2 thoughts on “Time to say good-bye to your friendship

    • Thank you, Eszter, for your comment.
      Hope it didn’t make you too sad and you can still enjoy your evening,
      Agni.

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