The weather was so lovely this week, I decided to walk from my client’s meeting to the metro station. I was super pleased with the meeting and loved watching the people around the business buildings while getting some steps in. This young kid approached me and asked for directions. Did you know that helping others is not only benefitting them but also has a positive impact on you (for example, it reduces stress and increases your well-being)?
Well, I told him he was in the area where he wanted to be and asked which company he was going to see. It turned out that he just graduated, had flown to Dubai and was now hunting for a job in IT. He wanted to go from door to door and hand in his CV. To me, that seemed counter-intuitive and a waste of time. Surely, if you’re in IT, you apply for a job via the company’s website or email it to the recruiting manager. But as this kid was standing in front of me, with a mixture of desperation to land his first job and confidence to succeed, I was reflecting.
This kid was clearly on a mission. He didn’t care what I thought. Even his own potential negative thoughts didn’t stop him from trying and I applauded his drive and enthusiasm. All too often, we don’t even need others to doubt us. We’re good in creating the blocks for ourselves inside ourselves.
Just as we create these barriers for ourselves, we can remove our mental blocks. For more serious ones, external help may be required and I’m by no means a licenced psychologist who can assist in those cases. As a trained coach, however, I guide my clients and help them identify what’s stopping them.
What’s stopping you?
This is probably one of the greatest questions which can be asked. Easy answers like no time or no money are often said. Like an iceberg, where you can only see 10% of it above water, there’s a lot more to the question of what’s stopping you.
Fear is often holding us back. “What if I’m not good enough?” “What if they see I can’t do it?” “I’ve never been able to do it, why should it work now?”
There’s also the lack of confidence and being stuck by paralysis, the inability to move. Our goals or projects may appear too big and it’s so much easier to just dream about them than to actually action them.
The raise of social media, constant connectivity and the fear of missing out (FOMO) have increased our comparison to others. Check out Facebook and all your friends were having a fantastic time this last weekend. Pinterest is showing you how gorgeous your house should really look like. There’s a strong tendency here in the Middle East to beat the lifestyle of the Jones’, leaving individuals not only financially but also emotionally drained.
Often, we’re waiting for the right time to start a diet or new workout course, to ask for the promotion or to wear that special dress. Some of us are going even further and are looking for the perfect moment before doing anything.
What evidence do you have for this?
Our minds can play tricks on us and selective memory is certainly not helpful at times. If we’re afraid to do something, our mind can manipulate us, adding more discomfort and anxiety to the mix. “My boss will find out that I can’t lead that project.”
Ask yourself where these thoughts are coming from. Challenge your beliefs. What evidence do you have for it and what evidence do you have against it? Create a list where you write down facts, not feelings.
Create new beliefs.
Once you’ve written down the evidence for and against your belief, what happened in your mind?
Have you seen that your fear is unwarranted? If so, you can now identify the first step towards your goal or project.
If you’re still waiting for the right time, for example, how can you create this environment for you? Conditions may never be perfect. How can you adjust your thoughts that now is good enough for you to start the process, make the change you wanted to or take that first step? Re-adjust your beliefs and thoughts.
Take the first (baby) step.
As we’ve seen with people stuck by paralysis, it so much easier to do nothing than to actually break down the goal or activity into smaller bits and addressing them separately. Yet, once we know how to create sub-goals or mini-projects, we can eat that elephant and accomplish not only these steps, but also achieve our overall goal.
This is a simplified article of overcoming the blocks in your head. As a trained Association for Coaching (AC) coach, I can support you removing the blockades which are holding you and enable you to proceed with the goal you’re working towards. Sessions can take place face-to-face or via Skype. To find out how you can move forward, please contact me.
Until next time,
Agni